Confession
by AirborneGirl
Summary: In the heat of a fight, Sturgis lets someone's very personal secret slip.
1. Chapter 1

**Confession**

**AN:** Just for the record, I don't hate Sturgis. Not at all. I just wondered what would happen if Mac's confession to him would accidentally come out. The tension between Sturgis and Harm in the episode "Bridging the Gulf" set off this story in my head.

**Spoilers**: Happens right after "Bridging the Gulf"

**Disclaimer**: Let's see…nope…not in my pocket, not in my desk drawers, not in my bedroom (too bad)…so I guess they're not mine.

Friday. ZULU 16.00 JAG Headquarters

The quarrel that had started out five minutes before was now starting to become a full blown fight. The door to the conference room was closed and nobody dared to even approach it. Though that wasn't necessary as every word could be heard from the other side of the bullpen. Everybody had long since stopped acting like they were busy as not to miss any of the action. Any minute now the blood could be flowing from underneath the door.

"You would simply leave him there. You were ready and willing to hang him out to dry!" The female voice shrieked.

"That's not true and you know it. I was investigating and I made my recommendation based upon those findings. That's what I was assigned to do, so that's what I did." The male voice stated, strained, but much more calm than the female one.

"Sure you did. Always the correct officer. Never letting his emotions take control over his job. Except when it comes to him."

Lieutenant Colonel Sarah MacKenzie knew very well that the trembling of her voice indicated more emotion than she planned on showing, but she couldn't help herself. This time, in her opinion, he had gone too far. And she would make him see her point even if it meant risking a reprimand from their superior officer. At the rate she was going, she would give the general a piece of her mind too, conduct unbecoming an officer be damned.

"That has absolutely nothing to do with it. I would have come to the exact same conclusions no matter who it was. It was the case I was investigating, not the man."

Sturgis Turner shot back, believing firmly in his statement as well is in his objectivity. Yes, there was a lot of unresolved tension between himself and the Commander, but he was certain it had nothing to do with his investigation, nor the outcome. And besides: the man came off shot-free, was cleared of all charges and would be back any time now. So what was Mac's worry here?

She shot him a look of utter disdain. "That's bullshit Sturgis and you know it. You went for his jugular the moment you had the opportunity."

Then, an evil grin splayed across her normally pretty face, she continued: "Is it because you're jealous of him? Because deep down you know he's a better man than you? A better man and a better officer, not to mention a better lawyer? That people take an immediate liking to him? That he has everything you don't? Is that why you are so blind when it comes to Harm?"

"Blind? You're accusing me of being blind? Mac, when it comes down to being blind considering Harm, than you are. He can do no wrong in your book. He's your hero, your knight in shining armor. You are so desperately in love with him you can't see past the pedestal you put up for him!"

The silence that fell after those words could slice the thick air that hung around the office. Only then did the JAG team gathered outside notice the presence of Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. His pale, stricken complexion showing them he had heard enough.

Inside the conference room, Mac felt suddenly deflated. Having the confession she had once made to him in confidence thrown back into her face left her feeling sick. All color drained from her face as she tried in vain to keep the tears from flowing.

Sturgis immediately regretted opening his mouth at the sight of her distraught features. He knew he had hit her at her weak spot and hated himself for taking the obvious and easy way to get to her. So much for objectivity, she was right; when worst came to worst, he went for the kill, picking out his opponent's weakness with finesse. He took one cautious step toward her, only to be shot back by the look in her eyes, a mix of pain and hatred she didn't even try to hide.

"I'm sorry, Mac…I shouldn't…"

"Save it! I don't wanna hear it. Just…don't ever talk to me again."

She ran out the door, not caring one bit as to who saw her crying. They had obviously heard it all and the embarrassment would have to be dealt with later. Much later. Or not. On her way to the sanctity of her own office, she bumped into the only person she had wished not to encounter just yet. Quickly she brushed past him, unable to even glance at him, knowing she would see only pity in his eyes.

The one thing she didn't want to have from him.

She felt his hand gently grabbing her wrist and his pleading voice "Sarah…" but the wound that Sturgis's words had inflicted was too raw for him to rub salt in it already. Not now, Harm, she pleaded silently, making sure she didn't make eye-contact with him. Please let me get away from here with whatever dignity I still have. His grip on her arm was loosening as she hurried to her tiny cubicle, closing the door behind her with a vengeance. Only then did she allow herself to collapse in her chair, sobs wrecking her body.

_So...waddaya think? Good enough to continue?_


	2. Chapter 2

**AN**: You know what? Some other writers say they live for reviews and I didn't quite believe them. But now I know what they mean...to recieve over 50 positive reviewsfor the first chapter of your story, does make your effort worth it. So again, this chapter is dedicated to those who review almost all chapters and keep me going. Thanks for your support.

**Disclaimer**: I won the story, but not the people in it. If only I did...

_Now, here we go again..._

The clash of the windows of Mac's office as she slammed the door could clearly be heard as everyone else was still silent. Sturgis felt he was walking the gauntlet as he summoned up enough courage to walk out into the bullpen. He would have even preferred the experience of real swords pounding down on him. The barely concealed looks of contempt from his fellow officers played heavily on his overflowing guilty conscience. He knew he could act defiant, but quickly decided against it.

At the end of the hallway, he came face to face with a very angry 6 foot 4 inches tall Navy Commander. It was the first time they saw each other after Sturgis had left him on board of the U.S.S. John Kennedy. Judging by the look on Harm's face he had hell to pay for what he had done. But instead of being mad at Sturgis for what he had done to him while investigating the shooting, Harm seemed to be even more mad at him for the pain he had just inflicted on Mac.

Towering over him, Harm sneered "Don't you ever come near her again!" For now, it had to do. He would deal with Commander Turner later. First, he had to talk to Sarah.

Finally, the sobs subsided into sniffles and hiccups. Leaning back into her chair, she turned it toward the window, hoping the sun would dry some of the tears from her stained face. She felt drained and tired. So damn tired. Of everything. The fight between her and Sturgis had just been the last drop. And that was before she realized Harm had heard everything. Seeing him standing there in the bullpen had been the end of her. Beyond that, she didn't dare think yet.

Behind her, the door opened and closed gently and she knew it could only be one person. Momentarily angry at herself for not locking her door properly, she struggled to find her voice. When she found it, it was quivering slightly.

"Please, Harm, can you give me a minute?"

She expected to hear the door open and shut again, as most of the time Harm respected her wishes, but instead she heard his voice, more gentle than normal.

"I can give you more than a minute, Sarah, if only you're willing to help me out."

The hint of fear in his voice didn't go by unnoticed. Curious by this tone and the choice of his words she turned her chair around to face him. He looked as pale as she did. Yet, at the same time, she was met with a determination he didn't even show in most of his cases. Even though he momentarily seemed taken aback by her tear stricken face, he quickly composed himself. Taking a deep breath, he took the plunge. "I don't think I have to tell you I heard everything just now. And I'm sorry that he had to drag you through this. But I have to ask you something, and I can only hope you'll be honest with me." Another breath, a very shaky one at that. The nerves made it almost impossible to speak. But he had to, if he wanted something to happen between them.

Yet, he was cut off, as usual. He was ready now, she wasn't. And by the time she was ready, he wouldn't be. The unavoidable story of their life. Even if this could have been the breakthrough, it wasn't meant to be. Because he was cut off.

"Harm…please. Not now. Don't ask anything now, because I wouldn't know what to answer. It's such a mess. How can I face them again? How can I work here again without all of them staring, wondering, asking without words, as if the looks aren't obvious enough."

"Mac…they're your friends. They're on your side. Nobody out there is gonna ask awkward questions, nobody's gonna act any different around you than you're used to. Even if they're wondering, they will keep their mouths shut…or else I'll make them." The last piece was added with a genuine flyboy smile, meant to appease her. She gave a little wan smile back, but wasn't totally convinced.

"Thanks Harm, but please…could we talk later? Right now I just wanna try and leave this place while I still have the guts to come out." "I'll cover for you. You just go home now." His smile was one of a friend this time and she gladly accepted his offer. "Thanks Harm. I owe you." She quickly grabbed her briefcase and coat and headed out, brushing past him. Just before she opened the door, she turned to face him. "We'll talk about this later Harm. Soon. I promise we will." Not awaiting his reply, she opened her office door and dashed through the bullpen as if she was hunted down.

So she owed him. Yes she did, big time. And they would talk later. She could bet her pretty six on that one. They would talk, alright, needed to talk. And they both knew the subject. Patience was a virtue, but sadly, he wasn't blessed with much of it. And most of it was spent on his latest flying job, which ironically enough, seemed to be the trigger of the argument between Mac and Turner.

He silently grunted while closing his office door a little too firmly, hoping the underlying message of 'don't enter my inner sanctimony' would be clear to all. He just wasn't in the mood.

It had been one hell of a week, ending with a bang. Sure, he'd successfully re-qualified for flight-status, but other than that…he'd been put through hell and back.

And now even Mac was dragged head-first into his currently problematic life. With one question popping into his mind every other second. _Was Sturgis right about Mac?_

The answer scared him before it was given. If his once-upon-a-time friend wasn't right, if this had only been an assumption, a petty way of trying to win the fight…his heart would be shattered again. Like so many times over. Just when he'd tried to mend it after Paraguay.

But if he was…could it be? Could they be? Could they possibly move beyond this strained, hanging on by the thread friendship? Did he dare ask?

Ha! That was it. That was the problem in its nutshell. Did he dare ask? He hadn't dared to before. He, Commander Harmon Rabb Jr., United States Naval Officer, respected attorney and cocky flyboy, had never before openly dared to ask the question. Nor answering it, for that matter. Sure, he'd tried to show her, numerous times, but whenever the opportunity to say the words that were apparently needed to get them together arose…he usually froze like a deer caught in the headlight of an oncoming truck, before running as fast as he could. A lot of pushing, but when push came to shove…nothing.

But somehow, this time he would make a difference. He'd had enough. They would get through this one way or another. He would not lose her. Period. He would give her the weekend to get herself together, but than they would talk. The talk. Grinning like an idiot, proud of his new resolve, he started on some very overdue paperwork with the gusto of a starving man.

_Well...?_


	3. Chapter 3

**AN**: And still, you want more, you want updates...well, here you go!You see, I always listen.

**Disclaimer**: Let's see, if I didn't own them a week ago, what makes you think I would own them now?

_Here we go..._

_Monday morning._

Another week. After a weekend in which she'd been completely incommunicado (and loving it), Mac had to get back to reality. And she was already late getting back as it was. Not caring if her car was parked more outside than inside her assigned spot, she grabbed her stuff and darted in, just in time to put everything down and stand at attention as Harm announced the entering of their CO.

Nothing new on the horizon, they were dismissed to work on pending cases, of which she shared two with Harm. As much as she normally enjoyed working with him, she dreaded it now. How was she supposed to have a casual working lunch with him when she knew that the unuttered question hung in the air, ready to cut the carefully pulled up curtain behind which she was hiding? How could they argue cases when the remnants of another argument kept playing in her head like a video tape that got stuck into the VCR? When she knew he'd overheard it all?

When she knew that there was no way that she could deny the accusation Sturgis threw in her face? Being the incredibly good lawyer that he was, there was no way Harm would not be able to pry the truth out of her when he chose to ask her straight-out. She could only hope and pray that, against all odds, he would forget. Or that Cresswell would double his caseload. Or hers, so she could keep avoiding him, and all others for that matter.

And avoiding she did. Him, Sturgis (of course) but also Bud, Jennifer and pretty much everyone else she wasn't forced to talk to. And if she was, she made sure it was just business-talk. When lunchtime arrived, she ate a hasty sandwich and a candy bar behind her desk, hidden behind a folder to appear too busy to socialize.

In a busy place as the JAG Headquarters, trying to stay away from people for longer than a few hours is practically impossible and by the end of the day Mac was worn out with the effort and even more with the caseload she'd hauled onto her own shoulders. She knew she needed a time out, just to get away from the stress, and from the people who gave it to her.

The time out itself was easily accomplished. She had so many long overdue leave days she could take a decade off if she wished. Right now, she only wished for a week. Cresswell gave in without as much as a huff, which meant that she really truly needed it. If even her CO saw the fatigue in her eyes…or did he try to protect her from the usual scuttlebutt? Whatever his reasons, Mac was just glad he didn't give her a hard time.

So with one part of the plan worked out, she had time enough to plan the other part. Where to go? Even as she packed her briefcase and grabbed her cover she had no idea. The thought of just staying at home did appeal to her, but she knew that eventually she wouldn't be able to help herself from being a dedicated Marine, calling in to check or working on cases. Staying at home would mean being tracked down too easily. Therefore it wasn't an option to consider.

What else? She toyed with the idea to rent a little cottage on the beach, letting the sea breeze wash away her hurt, but no…the silence would be way too uncomfortable and she didn't want to hear herself think.

So where could she go? She needed soothing surroundings and yet, something to keep her occupied and maybe someone to talk to. That's when it hit her. Quickly she drove home to get some clothes and toiletries before she headed out again to her chosen destination. Somehow she knew she would be welcome. Welcome and safe.

"Auntie Mac!" The high-pitched squeal of her godson alarmed his mother, who opened the door with a surprised smile on her face. For a moment, Mac felt very guilty. Harriet look quite harassed, with two boys to keep in line and two more kids well on their way. The last thing she needed was someone, anyone, complaining to her.

Harriet being Harriet, she composed herself at the sight of her friend and former coworker, who looked as if she was carrying the weight of the entire world on her slender shoulders. Of course she already knew exactly what had happened, as Bud had told her the whole story. She felt so sad for Mac, who didn't deserve any of this happening to her and she could just kill Sturgis for being such a blabbermouth. Not that she hadn't known about Mac's true feelings for her best friend, but it should have been her choice whether or not she'd ever tell him. Now her deepest emotions were left in clear visibility and Harriet could only imagine what that must feel like.

"Harriet…I…I'm sorry…I shouldn't…this was a bad idea, I'll just…" Mac turned to leave again, but a surprisingly strong hand on her wrist, accompanied by a soft voice kept her from walking back to her car.

"It's okay, Mac…Bud has told me. I'm sorry for what happened. And if I can do anything to help, please let me do it."

Without waiting for an answer she gently pushed the reluctant colonel inside, a colonel who was close to tears because of her friend's kind words.

"Let's get some tea into you. AJ, could you get out the cookie-jar for your aunt Mac?"

Her oldest, glad to be able to help (with the prospect of having cookies as a bonus) scampered off to the kitchen. Gratefully, Mac took the time away from her beloved godson to wipe a few stray tears away before the little boy noticed them. She wouldn't be able to answer his questions, which would inevitably come.

Things at the Roberts's household seemed to be so simple. After tea, cookies and a good long cry (only after AJ was sent outside to play with a neighbor child) Mac felt considerably better. Her best friend (except for Harm) didn't ask, didn't tell, didn't interrupt while Mac tried to struggle through the onslaught of emotions. But it was good to let them resurface so she could see them more clearly. Both woman remained quiet for some time before Harriet managed to get on her feet.

"How long were you planning on staying, Mac?"

Momentarily taken aback by Harriet's easy acceptation of the situation, Mac's words came out hesitantly. "Harriet, it might be a better idea if I just went home. I mean, you're pregnant, you're busy…"

She was gently interrupted. "Which means you could lend me a hand with the boys, help me with some chores maybe, it might keep your mind off things until you get some perspective."

"So I'm really not imposing?"

"Absolutely not. You're a friend in need and I never turned down a friend in need before. I won't start now." She gave her friend a bright smile. "Now, you can start helping by making your own bed in the guestroom. Come on, I'll get you some clean sheets and blankets."

That was the last thing that was said between the women until Bud came home. Mac busied herself with playing with little AJ and Jimmy, feeling more relaxed at the notion she was indeed welcome and safe.

_A lot more is going to happen...wanna know what? You know what to do, you've been doing it before...thanks!_


	4. Chapter 4

**AN**: You know what? I'm justgonna do it. I'm gonna bebrave and make a lot of you happy. Today, I'll post not just this one, but two chapters! How would you like that?

**Disclaimer**: I solemnly swear I do not have DJE stashed away somewhere in my closet...nor any other JAG cast or characters. Unfortunately my closet wouldn't be big enough.

_Enough of that, on with the story..._

If Bud was surprised by her presence, he didn't let on. Harriet just threatened him with some serious bodily harm if he told a certain Naval Commander anything about their unexpected guest.

Being the amazing friend he was, Bud just shrugged and quipped with a smile:

"Shall I get your car out of sight then?"

Realizing her precious Corvette would immediately catch Harm's attention if he ever came up with the idea of looking for her here, Mac tossed the keys to Bud with a grateful look.

The evening stretched out with the warmth only a tight family could provide. AJ was thrilled to hear his godmother was staying with them a couple of days and immediately began looking for his newest games to play with her. It brought a smile to her tired face, as Harriet silently pointed out to her husband. As a bonus for her and Bud, they didn't have to keep him busy, nor bring him to bed when, hyped up by sugar and the unexpected playmate, he finally got tired enough to go to sleep.

Mac was still smiling when she came downstairs and set down with her friends again. Stifling a yawn she stretched her limbs before making herself comfortable.

"You look tired, Mac. Maybe you should go to bed too."

Her smile evaporated, leaving just the lines of fatigue etched in her face.

"I don't think I can sleep."

Her words came out a soft whisper. As a surprise to her, it was Bud instead of his wife, who insisted.

"Colonel…, I'm sorry, I mean Mac, it's no use mulling over this. And really, if you think about it, it might not be such a big deal after all."

"Oh, you think Bud?"

Mac had always had trouble being mad at her friend, but now she really couldn't help herself.

"Not such a big deal? Having all you personal feelings broadcast over your entire office? How can I ever face them again? How can I face Harm again?"

Bud cleared his throat, ignoring the warning glances his wife tried to shoot in his direction.

"Mac, we're you coworkers too and yet, here you are. You know you can trust us, and you can trust Jen and the General too. Nobody is holding anything against you and Sturgis will think twice the next time he dares to open his mouth about anything. As for the Commander…"

"What, Bud? What did you want to say about him?"

"I personally think this whole…situation might be good for him, providing that it's true of course."

"Would it be plausible if I denied it?"

Mac sounded defeated, knowing the answer before it was given.

"Honestly? No, Mac. I don't think it would be. But like I said, if it's true, than this might turn out for the best."

"How, Bud, how can this possibly turn out to be anything else than it is: a total disaster?"

"It might make him open his eyes, see what's right in front of him. Take some action."

"Bud, Harm's not interested in me like that. Or not any more anyway. I managed to kill that notion all by myself. We're not even good friends at this point. Even if that's all he's ever wanted us to be."

This time, Harriet chipped in, shaking her head in fierce denial at the latest comment of their tormented friend. "I don't think so, Mac."

Turning her head to face her, Mac looked at her incredulously. "Harriet, do you know something I don't know?"

For a moment the former lieutenant faltered, than plowed in head on, since there was no retreat possible.

"It's a feeling more than a fact, Mac, but if you want my honest opinion, than I don't believe for a minute that Harm is not head over heels in love with you too. He might be stubborn, he might be scared, hell, he might even be totally oblivious, but that man is in love. I'd even bet the life of my family on it."

That last statement convinced Mac her friend was serious. For Harriet to swear anything on the lives of her children meant she talked business. Still, she failed to see how this could be a change. Voicing her last thoughts out loud, Harriet couldn't help but giving an exasperated sigh.

"This is just…the two of you give me more gray hairs than both my kids and Bud thrown together."

Ignoring her husband's attempt at objection at being included, she struggled to get to her feet. Wobbling severely for a moment, she managed to regain her balance and stepped over to Mac's chair, taking her friend's hands in her own.

"Now listen to me and listen carefully. You love him. Right?"

At Mac's nod, she charged on.

"And he loves you, and there's no way you can deny that. No argument is gonna convince me otherwise. So it's simple."

"What's simple?"

Another sigh, this time being combined with a severe head shaking. Talking as if she was addressing a very reluctant little AJ, she pronounced:

"GO-TALK-TO-HIM"

"That's not the least bit simple, Harriet, as our history has proven so far. In fact, every time I try talking to him, we end up in some kind of screaming match, further away from where we want to be than when we started."

She heaved a sigh, desperately trying to keep the tears from flowing. She felt like someone had punched her in her stomach, leaving her breathless. Sniffing, she added:

"I'm so tired, Harriet. So damn tired of this roller coaster I seem to be on."

Her friend seemed to be in full mother-mode now as she gently stroked Mac's dark hair to sooth her. Speaking softly, she continued with her attempt to push some sense into her Marine friend's reluctant mind.

"Then get off it, Mac. You're the only one who can. You're not gonna fall you know. We're here, and Harm will be here too, if you're ready to let him."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I just am. Trust me, please?"

Mac stood up and hugged the other woman as good as possible with her huge belly in the way.

"Thanks Harriet. If you don't mind, I'm gonna try and get some sleep and think about this all. Maybe I'll know what to do in the morning."

Turning to face Bud, she gave him a smile.

"Thank you too Bud, for everything. And please, don't tell him I'm here just yet. Give me some time."

Bud smiled back, zipping his mouth shut.

"He won't hear a thing from me, Mac. Just take all the time you need. We're in no rush to get you out."

Wishing them both a good night, Mac went to the guestroom, undressed, brushed her teeth and stretched out on the comfortable bed. She hoped she could actually catch some sleep, with the turmoil of thoughts swishing through her head. This might be a long sleepless night.

She was wrong. Sooner than anticipated, pure exhaustion got to her and made her fall into a healing, dreamless sleep.

_Here's where I normally ask for reviews, but I'm posting another chapter right after this one, so just hold your breath and read on!_


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:** Two chapters in one go...can life get any better?

**Disclaimer**: Jeez, just look at the other chapters for some humor. I don't own them.

_Storytime again..._

_Tuesday…_

The next day was spend in a very relaxing way. Even if she was only helping Harriet out with various chores around the house, it was almost peaceful, allowing her heart to take a rest. Her friend seemed to know exactly what she needed.

She either remained quiet except for a gentle humming along with the radio or just talked about safe subjects like her children, never giving Mac the idea she had to talk about Harm, or whatever happened or never happened between them.

But somehow, during those simple tasks, Mac felt increasingly more at ease with herself. Before she knew it, in between folding laundry, she started talking anyway. About everything. Her alcoholism, her husband, her engagement to Mic, but mostly Harm. Even the things she left out at counseling now found a way to the trusted ears of her best female friend.

It felt cathartic to get it all off her chest, even if it meant damaging her gung-ho Semper-fi kick-ass Marine attitude. She never needed that around Harriet anyway. She could be all woman around her. A love-sick one at that.

Not once was she interrupted, not once did she feel judged or pressured. Only tired, but even that was okay. Mac liked this kind of tiredness, for it seemed to be the healthy kind. The kind that allowed you to fall asleep with a sense of peace, a sense that everything would be okay.

When Bud came home from a day at the office he looked slightly harassed. Maybe because he was, as a matter of fact, being harassed. By a worried and hyper sensitive Naval Commander. Who wouldn't take 'no' or 'I-don't-know' for answers to questions like 'do you know where the Colonel is?' or 'Has she told you anything?'.

Mac honestly started to feel a bit guilty for putting Bud on the spot. She knew how close he and Harm were as friends and the idea that she'd made him choose between herself and Harm didn't make her feel good at all.

When asked though, Bud quickly shook his head.

"I promised you you'd be safe here and I wouldn't tell him."

Satisfied with that answer, Mac turned to help Harriet with dinner preparations, but she was stopped by Bud's afterthought.

"Don't let him linger much longer, Mac. He seems to be even more upset than you are. And he's our friend too."

"I know he is Bud. And I'll talk to him soon. I know I have to."

If only she could find enough courage…

She didn't find it that evening and even though her confessions to Harriet had eased her mind a little, she still couldn't summon up the right thing to say to Harm when she saw him again, nor the energy it might take to say them.

_Wednesday_…

Whereas Mac had at least gotten some rest, another commanding officer certainly hadn't, by the look of things. His face was clean-shaven as ever, his uniform spotless and crisp, his shoes polished. In short, he appeared every inch the Commander.

Upon closer inspection though (and you didn't even have to come that close), with his usual suave step now dragging and his broad shoulders slumped, he oozed out defeat instead of confidence. The swollen dark circles around his red bleary eyes made him resemble a raccoon rather than a man. Still, he somehow managed to greet them in perfect manner before getting into his office

Not that his work seemed to suffer. In court, he was firing arguments at his opponent at top speed, rattling out word after word like a semi-automatic gun. Which was how he felt. He could function perfectly well in the courtroom, where his skills were called upon and he could feel useful. He knew he was exhausting himself, but he didn't have much choice. Either he worked till he dropped dead or all other thoughts would take over.

Thoughts of a Marine on extended personal leave. A Marine who, for the first time in their partnership, had not left a note to inform him of her whereabouts. A beautiful female Marine who didn't trust him enough any more to come to him. To talk to him. He was ready for that talk, finally ready and now… where was she?

Bud knew, he was sure of it. Why else would the younger officer go to this length to avoid him? Because Bud was his friend as much as he was hers and he would never betray either one of them. Still, if he knew something…at this desperate point, Harm had no moral objections against a little further probing for the better cause. Bud would just have to forgive him. He would drive to their home tonight. He would find out, no matter what the costs.

That same morning, after a night of tossing and turning and fitful sleeping, Mac decided to give Harriet a quiet day to herself by taking the children to the zoo. The easy companion from the two boys lulled her back into a safe world for just the moment.

So maybe it was because she was intently listening to little AJ babbling about the lions, the penguins, the monkeys, clutching the stuffed elephant Mac bought for him, that she didn't notice the car parked haphazardly in front of the Roberts's door when they came back. AJ noticed though. Immediately recognizing the car, he pulled his hand free from his godmother's and yelled:

"Uncle Harm's here!"

Upon hearing his godson's cry, Harm came out and scooped the giggling boy in his strong arms, tickling him.

"Hey big guy, how've you been?"

"Great, we went to the zoo today. Look what auntie Mac got me." Proudly he showed Harm the elephant.

"Wow, that's nice."

"Auntie Mac is sweet."

"Yeah…I know she is."

Looking at her directly over the top of AJ's head, she suddenly felt jealous of the little boy. What she would give if only she could be the one in his arms. Even though he called her sweet, that didn't have to mean anything.

Damn him for showing up like that! She wasn't prepared, wasn't ready to talk yet. But with AJ still wriggling in his hold, Harm had no choice but to follow her and Jimmy back in.

She was met with a positively petrified looking Bud.

"I'm sorry Mac, but I didn't tell him anything. He just…"

"It's okay Bud. I know it wasn't a brilliant idea coming here to hide."

"So you have been hiding."

Damn him again. She'd forgotten he was right behind her, listening in. His voice sounded so small though, like he was scared, or hurt. Maybe he was, though.

Harriet came to the rescue once more. With one look, she directed Bud upstairs. Then, taking the kids to the bathroom to get them cleaned up before dinner, she left the two of them alone in the living room to talk. The talk she definitely wasn't ready to have yet. The talk they had to have if anything was ever going to change between them.

_Ooooh...cliffhanger...don't fall off in the meantime. The more you review, the sooner I'll update. _


	6. Chapter 6

**AN I**: To barb and some others of you: Thanks for making me realize that begging for reviews is not only not necessary (as I should know by now), but not very polite to my many readers either. Readers I am very grateful to have. Oh, and barb: Thanks for your wonderful compliment embedded in your (justified) criticism. I'll take it to heart.

**ANII**: To Alexx: Thanks for reviewing, even though you seemed to have a problem with my storyline. You kind of got me thinking, and I agree with a few points you made. So I rewrote some of this chapter along your line of criticism. I hope I haven't totally lost you as a reader yet. Believe it or not, a negative review can trigger someone into becoming a better author and for that, I thank you.

**Disclaimer**: Not funny, yet necessary. Don't own them. But I suppose I could clone them…? Nope, that idea scares the living daylights out of me anyway…

_Would you just go on with the story instead of your rambling on and on and on? Yes, I will, here we go…_

Silence enveloped them as she sat down, stood up again to pace around, all the while avoiding eye contact with the tall man occupying the room. Minutes passed (four minutes and thirty-eight seconds to be exact) before Harm apparently couldn't take it anymore. Gently but firmly he placed his hands on her shoulders. Momentarily she shuddered, scolding herself for getting all giddy from one single touch.

"Sarah…please sit down, you're making me more nervous than I already am."

The use of her given name caught her a little of guard. Only the Marine in her made it possible to sit down with some kind of composure. When she sat, fidgeting because she needed to do _something _to occupy her hands and mind, Harm sat down next to her.

Gently, disturbingly gently, he took her trembling right hand in his to steady it, bringing both their hands to rest against his chest. It was a reassuring friendly gesture, but it still managed to make her even more nervous. His voice sounded strained when he finally spoke, or rather, whispered.

"Sarah…truth be told, I don't know exactly where to start or what to say."

He grinned ruefully.

"Hell, if I knew what to say to you, I would have said it years ago. Then this whole sordid conversation shouldn't have to happen in the first place. I guess I'm just gonna have to take a plunge here. I just hope you'll be honest with me. I promise I'll be honest with you too."

Taking one more deep breath, he lifted her chin with his free hand, forcing her to look at him.

"Was he right? About your feelings for me?"

There it was: the hardest thing she ever had to answer, no matter how clear the answer in fact was. To feel it was one thing, to admit it to him was quite another. Was this a risk she was ready and willing to take? Well, she couldn't lie now, could she? If Sturgis hadn't been right, then she wouldn't have had any reason to be this upset, now would she? She wouldn't have felt the need to run and hide from him the way she'd done. So she should simply confess to it, right? Could, should, would…very well…she would. In a minute. Just one more second. He beat her to it, sounding a bit more secure.

"I guess it's not fair to ask you to take a chance without offering something in return. So let me do this first."

He gulped for breath again.

"God help me," she could hear him mutter, before he determinedly focused his azure gaze at her.

"Mac…Sarah…If you really have feelings for me, real feelings, than you have to know that they're reciprocated. All of them…"

His voice trailed off, as if he was exhausted from this little yet so big confession. Her tears started flowing again, unfortunately giving him the wrong impression.

"Sarah…"

Nothing. She choked. Years she'd been waiting for this moment and now, even when his words had found their way to warm her heart, she choked. The onslaught of emotions these past few days finally catching up with her.

"Sarah…"

He kept trying, anything to get her out of her comatose state, an eerie feeling coming over him. Trembling, he rose to his feet.

"You know what? Never mind. I guess Sturgis was wrong and I just made an ass off myself. Just...forget it, okay?"

He briskly walked past her, his hand accidentally brushing her shoulder. Shaken at the sudden contact she looked up and saw, really saw. The raw and open hurt in his eyes. The defeat pouring out of him…what had she done?

She was a fool, a fool and a coward, setting both herself and him up for another inevitable fall. How many of them could they survive? Here she was, hiding from the man she loved like he'd committed some kind of crime against her, roping their supposedly mutual friends into their whirlpool of problems, not even regarding his feelings of betrayal and loss at their silent treatment…she had to act. Now.

So she rose too, rushed to the door to cut him off, all but screaming his name.

"Harm, please!"

He halted, turned to her, but his gaze was guarded, bracing himself for another blow. Considering the best defense was a grant offence, he spat out, more harsh than he meant it to sound:

"What, Mac? What's your next line? Something along the line of 'Can we still be friends?' Because, honestly, right now, I don't think we can. I'm not a machine, Mac. I can't turn these feelings on and off at your command. I said them, out loud, now it's up to you."

She knew that…it was up to her. Now or never. Semper-fi. Sigh. Here goes nothing.

If her body was unsteady and her voice slightly quivering, than her words were certainly not.

"He was right."

Harm, his hand already on the doorknob, ready to make his escape, turned again.

"Say that again, Sarah?"

Thank God, he called her Sarah again.

"I said he was right. Sturgis was right. I do have feelings for you. Feelings of so much love that I don't know how to contain them any longer."

The seconds crawled by like minutes, minutes like hours while she waited for his reaction, nausea taking over in the meantime as it seemed to take him forever to let go of the doorknob, let go of a shaky breath before closing the gap between them.

"Then don't"

He opened his arms for her and she practically melted into the comfortable safety of his embrace.

"I love you Harm."

She lifted her head at the same time as he lowered his. Their lips met in a long overdue kiss that sent the both of them reeling. When the human need for oxygen finally broke them apart, she looked up at him, smiling through her liquid brown eyes and slightly bruised lips. To him, she had never looked more beautiful.

"I love you too Sarah."

It felt so right to say it now and the reward was so sweet as she leaned in for another kiss. They came up for air after what felt like a lifetime, both slightly gasping. Mac giggled.

"It's way too quiet out there."

Harm hadn't realized, but now that she mentioned it…you could hear a pin drop. Just how long did it take their friends to get the kids cleaned up? He showed her his best flyboy grin.

"What do you say: shall we put them out of their misery?"

"In a second," she replied coyly, not wanting to leave the haven of his arms just yet.

After a while she reluctantly let go of him, but he kept one arm around her waist as he shot her an evil grin before yanking the door open with a force. A stumble, a curse and a crack later they found Bud lying on the floor with Harriet towering above him, not sure whether to laugh or cry or apologize. In the end, she did all at the same time, babbling nervously until Mac pulled her into a hug.

"It's okay, Harriet. We're okay."

She turned to Harm, who couldn't wipe the grin off his face even while helping poor Bud up from his honorary position on the carpet. Bud dusted himself off and, after looking sheepishly around for a second, burst into laughter.

"Well, that was entertaining."

His laughter was soon copied by all of them, which lifted the last bit of tension from the room.

"Harm…"

It was Harriet who interrupted their bantering, her voice serious and a bit scared at the same time.

"Yes, Harriet?"

"I'm so sorry for keeping secrets from you. I mean, you're our friend and we…no offence to you Mac, but we didn't want to choose between our friends again. It felt like we betrayed you, Harm."

"Harriet, it's okay. It weren't my personal feelings that got broadcast all over JAG headquarters and I can understand Mac's need to run and hide. You were there for her when she needed you and I know you'll be there for me if I would ever need you."

"You can count on that."

The relief on Harriet's kind face was almost comical.

They took a rain check on dinner. Mac felt she'd already taken up more of their hospitality than she needed and Harm just couldn't wait to be alone with her, to start their new relationship. Sure, there were a lot of issues to be straightened, problems to be addressed, bruised ego's to be mended, but at least the knowledge of their shared love should help them mull this over. They would be fine.

After saying goodbye to their friends, and making them both promise they would keep the latest episode of their love-story to themselves for just a while longer, they each got into their cars to go home. Mac's home. Together.

_One more chapter to come…I hope you can all live with the way I processed "the talk". Thanks for reading again._


	7. Chapter 7

**AN:** Can be found at the end of the chapter. The very last chapter…

**Disclaimer**: I kidnapped them and left a ransom note at DPB…yeah, right.

_Next morning…_

Harm and Mac had decided they should both come in separately, she very early, he a tad too late, like normal. They didn't want anybody to see at first glance that they had finally found each other. And coming to work together with matching grins on their faces (not to mention the matching hickeys barely hidden by the hastily applied make-up) would certainly give them away in a split second. As for Bud and Harriet: they'd been sworn to secrecy.

Like they had before, they were studiously ignoring the other, though this time it was both more fun and more frustrating. With every lingering look they could not give the other, with every time they brushed passed the other one without letting their bodies collide (and just how good it felt to have them collide they had only found out the night before), their tension grew.

Funny, she had always thought that, once she had given into her desire to be with him, she would have quenched her thirst and move on. Now she understood that, like alcohol, Harm was an addiction. For once one she didn't care to get rid off any time soon.

And neither was he, or so she found out all too soon. It was somewhere in the afternoon when he barged into her office with a purposeful stride, closing the door behind him with a thud. He even managed to pull her blinds down, not wanting any intruders.

"Hey, Ninja."

"Hey yourself."

He grinned, the smile that made her knees turn into instant jelly. She had to take a seat before they would give out.

Like a predator, Harm approached her desk, and put his hands on either side of her on the armrests of her chair, effectively trapping her. She shuddered when she saw the gleam in his eyes, full of suppressed desire. When his wolfish grin got bigger, she knew her own eyes were mirroring his, rivaling his longing, challenging him to make the first move.

"Did you need something, Sailor?"

She even managed to give him a coy smile, almost shy.

"I sure do,"

he growled, before crushing his lips to hers in a kiss the left her gasping.

When he tore them away from hers she let out a small whimper of disappointment, even though her burning lungs were relieved to get the maximum access to some much needed oxygen again.

"You're a tease, Marine. How can you expect me to see you sashaying around all day without being able to touch you?"

He sounded hoarse, his own lack of air clearly noticeable.

"Sashaying, me?"

Feigning indignation at his words, she stood up from her chair, still a bit woozy.

"How about yourself, Commander, strutting around, proud like a peacock."

He burst out laughing at that statement, pulling her into his embrace.

"I just wish this day was over so I can take you home with me again. Last night was just the beginning you know, just an appetizer."

Melting into his embrace, all she could say was:

"If that's the case, I can't wait for the rest of the meal."

It was silent outside, just as silent as it had been the day before in the Roberts' residence. It alarmed them more than any noise would and before they even let go of the other one, they knew they were busted. The blinds hadn't been closed off entirely and somehow they were spotted in their too-tight-to-be-just-friendly embrace.

Harm's eyes lit up with a sudden idea as he quickly put his finger against Mac's lips to silence her. She nodded, knowing without words what he was up to. In one quick motion, Harm pulled open the office door, yelling

"Make way, we're coming out!"

Harm's yell had the effect of a shotgun as the curious mob that had gathered right outside Mac's office door scattered back to their posts, trying to act like they were all very busy. Bud was pretending to be on the phone and Jen was reading a file upside down, but the pair decided not to state the obvious, even though it was most funny.

Harm, still holding his girl close to him, walked straight to Sturgis's desk. The other commander shrunk back a little, bracing himself for the onslaught. Which never came. Looking like he was seeing a ghost, he gazed at Harm's extended hand. After some serious risk calculation, he took the offered hand and shook it.

"No hard feelings any more Sturgis. In fact, I believe a thank you is in order."

Stunned, the best-friend-turned-enemy let go of the other man's hand and grinned, turning into friend once again.

"Whatever I did, you're welcome…I guess."

He turned toward Mac.

"I truly am sorry for everything I said. Can you try to forgive me?"

Mac hesitated ever so little, her body stiffening slightly. Harm immediately felt it and tightened his grip on her in silent support. The Marine in Mac won as she too extended her hand.

"Let's forgive and forget, okay?"

Then, slyly, she added:

"Next time you're even considering starting a fight with me, I'll kick your six!"

Sturgis was most ready to believe her.

Having finished with their business at the office, Harm and Sarah left the bullpen, providing no insight in their interlude behind closed doors, much to their coworkers chagrin. Together they decided they deserved to rest of the day off and after being granted permission from an overly composed CO, they hurried outside.

Inside the elevator, Harm couldn't contain himself much longer. He pulled her closer to his chest and gently but firmly placed his lips on hers again. She responded accordingly, letting the warmth of his kiss penetrate her. Remembering his promise that this was only a little appetizer for what would happen once they got home.

As afternoon turned into evening turned into night, they showed their love for each other countless times in countless ways. Afterwards, Harm was glad just to hold on to his beautiful Marine while she cuddled up next to him underneath the tangled mess of sheets. She lifted her head from his chest, begging for one more kiss, a request he granted with pleasure.

After another lifetime, she looked up at him, grinning.

"Penny for your thoughts, Marine."

Playfully she kissed the tip of his nose.

"I just figured I should have argued with Sturgis long time ago."

THE END

_AN I:_ Thanks to all of you who took the time and trouble to read and/or review this. I enjoy knowing what you think of my stories. Your feedback makes me a better writer.

_AN II:_ I know lots of you wanted to see Sturgis go down, but I decided not to, for several reasons. One is that, as I said before, I don't hate the guy, I just used him as a means to an end in this story. A more important one is that I believe forgiving someone is lots better than keep on fighting and somehow I feel it wouldn't be Harm's style to hold a grudge when everything turns out for the best. Besides, a like good endings all the way.

Prepare yourself for my next long, long, very long story, called "_Once a Marine…"_

First chapter(s) coming soon!


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